The Best Thing I Ever Learned from Jiu Jitsu

Starting jiu jitsu at age 30 was one of the best decisions I've ever made.  I was at a new job, had gained a lot of weight (from all the great beer and bar food in Philly), and was feeling tired all the time.  Luckily, I had an RA who was training jiu jitsu in Philadelphia.  He was super pumped about it and was always so alert and energetic (and ripped). I wanted to feel that same way and decided to go with him one day to the dojo.    

That was 6.5 years ago. The rest is history.  Since then, I've been training 5-7 times per week for 1-3 hours at a time.  My daily writing routines are often broken up by an afternoon training session.  I carry a gi with me whenever I travel and have trained in places far and wide like the Azores and Prague.  And many of my best friends as an adult have come through the global jiu jitsu community; by and large, jiu jitsu people are some of the most humble and chill folks on the planet.  

But, above all else, the most important thing jiu jitsu has taught me is the ability to deal with adversity.  

Live sparring from the closed guard at Openmat MMA in Toronto

Let me explain.  Jiu jitsu is not like most martial arts. You don't spend your time rehearsing katas or forms.  You don't kick wooden boards, punch a bag, or do moves on a non-resisting opponent.  Instead, jiu jitsu is wrestling with submission moves.  It's a martial art based on trying to control and submit somebody who is trying to do the same to you. And as a martial art built on 100% resistance, you inevitably fail a lot.   

The initial failure discourages some people from sticking with it.  Some people cannot mentally handle getting their ass kicked for one day, much less a year or longer.  The timeline of being a "grappling dummy" varies, but most people don't really kick ass until they've put in a couple years of really solid time on the mats.  This can be a very difficult process. I'm not going to lie. There were many times in my first 6-8 months that I contemplated quitting and never looking back.  I would go into my dojo--Balance Studios in Philadelphia--and get destroyed for 2 hours by everyone.  Big or small, athletic or not, I was getting my ass handed to me every which way. My ego took a huge hit.   

But, I am so happy that I got over the hump and stuck with it.  Not only does jiu jitsu become more fun once you've put in the time and you start kicking a little ass, you also learn about the incredible value of persevering through adversity. 

You see, in jiu jitsu, you pay handsomely whenever you make a mistake.  If you make the wrong move, you could end up in a terrible position that gives your opponent a chance to submit you.  And even when they don't submit you, you might be in a very uncomfortable position that leaves you feeling physically and mentally exhausted. Imagine having a 260 pound person sitting on your chest, trying to strangle you or snatch up one of your arms?  It's not a pleasant experience.  

But, as in all things, you gradually learn from your mistakes.  You learn that there are small things you did or didn't do that landed you in this tight spot.  And as you fail more often, you begin to learn how to avoid making the same mistakes. In my humble opinion, this marks one of the first big growth spurts in jiu jitsu.  

Getting choked out sucks. It really sucks.

Similarly, you learn that even when you're in a horrible spot, you can make subtle adjustments to improve your position.  This marks another one of the earliest milestones in the jiu jitsu journey.  This same survivor instinct carries over as you progress through the ranks and encounter more skilled and savvy grapplers.

And finally, jiu jitsu also teaches humility and resilience. To move through the ranks, you have to be OK with losing a lot and getting beaten up often.  This is a very tough pill to swallow (especially for men who have an inflated sense of toughness when they start training), but it also teaches you how to stick with something even when your chips are seemingly down.  This is why I have so much respect for black belts.  No matter what, a black belt is somebody who never gave up.  They have spent often a decade or more learning these same kinds of lessons over and over again.

These lessons have helped me deal with adversity outside of the dojo.  I've been able to draw on these little jiu jitsu lessons whenever I've felt overwhelmed by different personal obligations; I've also used these lessons to persevere through negative reviews from reviewers and students, rejection letters from grant committees, and hostile audience members during talks.  The little lessons learned on the mat have become a huge resource in most areas of my life. Let's be honest: failure is never an easy pill to swallow, but the "jiu jitsu perspective" gives you another way to interpret adversity. Instead of defeat, I see opportunities for growth whenever I fail.  

Anyways, this has been a little ode to jiu jitsu.  I hope you find something useful in here.  I also hope you'll consider giving jiu jitsu a try.  It really is for everyone.  If you're somebody who wants to be challenged and who enjoys exercising and stimulating the mind (think 'kinetic chess'), give jiu jitsu a try. I'm always thrilled whenever friends from my past contact me and say that they're interested in trying jiu jitsu.  Those little messages honestly make my day!  At the very least, you might have fun rolling around on the mats and wrestling with other grown ass people...and who knows, maybe you'll also get bitten by the jiu jitsu bug. Oss!