What if Academia Was More like Jiu Jitsu? On the Power of Compliments

When was the last time somebody complimented you?  How did it make you feel?

Jiu jitsu is a collaborative martial art: Pay each other compliments!

I've been thinking about compliments lately...and how we academics are often socialized to look for flaws in another person's work. This critical mentality is drilled into you as a novice graduate student and is on full display in just about every first year seminar. You establish yourself as a critic.

I see the benefits of critical thinking--particularly since it's how scientific advancements work--
but there are times when I think that academia could be a little nicer and more collaborative.  Are there shortcomings and problems in this article or book? Of course. Are there also lots of positive things?  Of course.  It's interesting that we put such stock on the former and ignore the latter.

That "brown rock" looks sorta like something else.

I did some reading today and there's actually a ton of research on the power of compliments.  In addition to boosting the self-esteem of the person being complimented, there are also mental health boosts associated with being the complimenter; people feel good spreading good vibes.

And that's not all.  Emerging research shows that compliments can also boost people's memory and learning.  Dr. Sanjay Gupta, for instance, recently talked about a study that measured how compliments impact skill learning.  Not surprisingly, the researchers found that people who received compliments while learning a new skill were far better at retaining information than those who did not.

I've been experimenting a lot with this lately in jiu jitsu, a martial art that can be both invigorating and soul crushing.  There are days when you feel like a complete badass because you pulled off some slick submission or because you nailed a tricky sweep or takedown.  And then, there are days when you feel humbled by someone who smashes you, chokes the life out of you, and makes you question your life choices.  All of this before lunch!

Rickson Gracie doing what the does best...

But, one thing I love about jiu jitsu is that it's a martial art built around humility and collaboration.  Win, lose, or get smashed, I have been blessed to have training partners who have paid me lots of compliments in training.  Sometimes it's something that I didn't even realize I was doing.  My training partners, in effect, helped me see myself in a new light.  And, perhaps more importantly, they encouraged me to keep going, to keep working hard, and ultimately to improve my skills.

I try to pay this small lesson forward these days.  I look for small things that my training partners do well and remind them of these things: "Your guard felt really tricky today."  "You were really hard to take down."  "Your defense and escapes were really good."

As you can see, these compliments don't have to be long or extensive.  They can be quick, fleeting observations. The key is that they are sincere and not contrived just for the sake of it. The benefits are twofold. In addition to training your mind to see the good in others (and yourself), you will also be giving that person a little mini-boost in confidence, which spirals outward into their own lives and relationships...This is the power of positive sociology!

So, the next time you're at work, training, or reading a colleague's draft, spend a moment and look for the positive and pay someone else a compliment.  Watch how it makes them feel.  And watch how it makes you feel.

Please like and share the good vibes...and let me know if this helped you!