The 4 Friends You Need in Academia

Grad school is a grind.  Getting a Ph.D. (or any other professional degree) takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work.

But, the process of getting through an intensive graduate program needn't be soul crushing.  In fact, the process can be made a lot easier if you're surrounded by the "right" types of people.

Here are 4 "types" of friends you need to get through a Ph.D. program.  (In truth, these kinds of friends might have broader utility; I think they might be useful for academics at any stage of the career)...

You need someone like Mckayla Maroney...

1) The Tough Critic: This person isn't always the easiest person to be around, but they have a very important role in your development as a scholar.  They might be your chair or mentor, or they might simply be someone who is always critical of everything.  Whatever the case, surround yourself with a friend or friends who will tell you when your work sucks.  They might not always make you feel good about yourself, but that's the point: Good work doesn't come from constant adulation.  It usually comes through a gauntlet and the "Tough Critic" is your best friend in this respect.

2) The Cheerleader: This person is a friend who always sees the good in what you've written. It could be a first draft that makes no sense and they still find something positive to take away from it.  In truth, the cheerleader isn't necessarily the polar opposite of the "tough critic."  They might also have critiques and suggestions on how to improve your work.  But, unlike the tough critic, they don't just point out your flaws, they remind you of your greatness (even when others might not see it).

The cheerleader will always see the good in what you've done

The cheerleader is the person who will also gently nudge you forward and give you social and emotional support after you get a rejection letter or when you are struggling to find your rhythm.  Keep this friend close, too!

3) The Mentee: Part of being an academic is mentoring others.  These might be less experienced students in your cohort, or they might be undergraduates who are excited about pursuing an academic career.  The beauty of mentoring others is that you also learn a lot by helping others.

Every Mr. Miyagi needs a Daniel-san

I've learned a ton from my mentees and think that you should devote some of your time to helping others--it will be rewarding and a key phase in your own development of expertise.  Each one, teach one!

4) The Late Night Stoner: Another valuable person is the "Late Night Stoner" or "free thinker." This is someone who is always thinking outside of the box and who often has half-baked ideas about your work.  Maybe this person reads eclectically, or they are just very creative, but I've benefitted a lot from certain friends who read my work and offer feedback that initially seems like it's coming out of "left field."  These are typically people who say things like, "Your work reminds me of this novel I once read" or "You ever see that one movie?"  Their unconventional feedback can sometimes shake you into an interesting direction for your own work.  But, be wary, the "late night stoner" isn't always the right person for feedback.  I find that they're often the best person to talk to very early in a project and sometimes the worst person to talk with as you're getting ready to send something out.

Sometimes this guy spits words of wisdom...

Anyways, that's it!  Hope this helps you.  When compiling your dissertation committee (or reading group) think about having an eclectic mix of people who can fulfill different roles in your intellectual development. You get extra points if you find people who can play multiple roles for you.  But, in my experience, it's very hard to find a "tough critic" who is also a "cheerleader" or "mentee."  And so forth...Please comment and share!  Take care of yourselves and keep fighting the good fight!